Part 4: String of Broken Hearts
by Kacy Flanagan

Even before I graduated college, I saw the writing on the wall; there was no way I was going to get into medical school. I figured I could however be a pharmaceutical sales rep; what these folks didn’t know would only help me in the business.

I got a pretty good part time job on a local route and started making a bit of money. I was still with my girlfriend and I was so in love with her. Two paychecks later and I asked her to marry me. I vowed to let go of some of my college partying and work on finding a balance with work and play.

I really wanted to make our relationship work and stay mostly clean. This was a no brainer or so I thought…..

I started working and made friends with the doctors I was marketing the company’s medication to; and this worked to my advantage. I had prescription medication literally at my fingertips. I never took from my sample supply, because I had to keep strict inventory of what was given to me. But the Zoloft, Ambien, and Adderall were so tempting.

When I felt like I needed some help or just a stash of pain meds for a rainy day, I would talk to one of the doctors, say I hurt my knee playing softball and it was as easy as that. I was cautious not to overdo it with any doctor and keep a healthy balance. I only used when the girl and I went out to a party or on the weekend. I encouraged my girl to try some pills, but she would not; afraid she might flunk a drug test at her job.

The relationship ended shortly after this; she said she just couldn’t deal with how unpredictable I’d become. I was crushed but continued using to make myself feel better. I met another girl shortly after. Although we were engaged, our relationship ended badly. She said I was a different person than who she met a few months ago; and could not see herself marrying a man like me. I wanted someone to love me, but to tell the truth, I am not sure anyone could.

The first time I didn’t meet my quarterly sales goal I was worried, but it took two more times to get me fired. I took some time off and got away from it all; literally and figuratively.

I started using all the pills I had saved up; this didn’t take long. When those ran out, I went to the doctors I gone to before on my sales route. They saw me coming and cut me off. I went to my old college friends with connections and I paid a high price. I had lost my job by now, so I had to sell some of what I was buying.

I had been dating another girl and was actually engaged to her. She finally got fed up and called off our engagement. I became out of control. I didn’t care, and became less careful in my buying and selling transactions. Three arrests later and I was actually looking at the possibility of prison time.

I ask myself everyday….how did I get here. I have lost everything, failed relationships, my family, my job. Am I too lost to find my way back to a life that seems like only a dream?

Kacy Flanagan is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice in Downtown Greenville.